"GET ALONG" INTENSION TO APPROACH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

 UNDERSTAND THE THIRD INTENSION


GET IT DONE :

A third 'intent is to get along with other people. This is necessary if you want to create and develop relationships. When there are people with whom you want to get along, you may be less assertive as you consider their needs and interests above your own. In other words, personal desires are of lesser importance than the intent to get along with another person.

The problem is that when people who are focused on getting along with others are uncertain about how others feel about them, they tend to take reactions, comments, and facial expressions person- ally. Behavior becomes increasingly geared toward gaining approval and avoiding disapproval. The three most difficult approval-seeking behaviors are the passive Nothing Person, the wishy-washy Yes Person, and the indecisive Maybe Person.

The Nothing Person. Timid, uncomfortable, and uncertain, get along Nothing People excel at tongue-biting. Since they don't have anything nice to say, they don't say anything at all. At their worst, they say nothing almost all the time. This, in many ways, is the perfect strategy to avoid conflict, to avoid hurting someone else's feelings, and to keep from angering anyone. However, since a Nothing Person can't relate authentically or speak honestly, he or she doesn't really get along with anyone.

The Yes Person. Yes People attempt to get along with others by trying to please everyone. A Yes Person agrees to every request, without considering the consequences. Before long, the Yes Person has over promised and underdelivered to such an extent that the very people he or she wanted to get along with are furious. In the rare instance where the promises are kept, the Yes Person's life is no longer his or her own, because all choices are made around other people's demands. This produces a deep-seated anxiety and much resentment in the Yes Person and can even lead to unconscious acts of sabotage.

The Maybe Person. The Maybe Person avoids disapproval by avoiding decisions. After all, the wrong choice might upset someone, and who would be blamed? The solution is to put the decision off, waffle, and hedge until someone else makes the decision-or the decision makes itself. Like all the other difficult behaviors, this behavior perpetuates the problem it's intended to solve, mainly by causing so much frustration and annoyance that the Maybe Person is locked out of meaningful relationships with others.

People tend to feel unsure about how others feel about them, so they take reactions, comments, and facial expressions personally and behave in ways that they believe will gain approval and or at least avoid disapproval.

Recognize that the intent to get along can lead to approval-seeking behaviors: This can express itself as the withdrawn Nothing Person, the agreeable Yes Person, and the indecisive Maybe Person. But what they all have in common is you really don't know where they stand.

"If getting along is your top priority ..., person- al desires are less important than the intent to get along with another person."

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