"GET APPRECATED" INTENSION TO APPROACH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

 UNDERSTAND THE FOURTH INTENSION 



GET APPRECIATED:

This fourth intent requires a higher level of assertiveness, as well as a people focus, in order to be seen, heard, and recognized. The desire to con- tribute to others and be appreciated for it is one of the most powerful motivators. Studies show that people who love their jobs as well as husbands and wives who are happily married-feel appreciated for who they are and what they do.

When the intent to get appreciated becomes distorted, the lack of positive feedback combines in a person's mind with the reactions, comments, and facial expressions of others and the person tends to take it personally. The intent to get appreciation intensifies in direct proportion to the lack of appreciative feedback and the problem behavior becomes increasingly aimed at getting attention.
The three most difficult attention-getting behaviors that result from the desire to get appreciation are the Grenade, the Sniper, and the Think-They-Know-It-All.

The Grenade. Grenades feel they don't get any appreciation or respect. When the silence becomes deafening, look out for the Grenade's grown-up temper tantrum: "Nobody around here cares! That's the problem with the world today. I don't know why I even bother!" (While the Tank uses focused fire in a single direction, based on a specific charge, the Grenade produces out-of-control explosions in any and every direction: his or her outbursts may be completely unrelated to present circumstances.) Since this desperate behavior produces negative attention and disgust, the Grenade is even more likely to blow up at the next provocation.

The Friendly Sniper. This Sniper, a variation on the unfriendly sniper who's trying to undermine your self-control, actually likes you and his or her sniping is a "fun" way of getting attention. Many people have relationships that include friendly sniping. Normally, the best defense is a good offense, because instead of offending, a return snipe is a sign of appreciation. But if the person on the receiving end doesn't give or receive appreciation in this manner, he or she may be laughing on the outside and hurting on the inside.

The Think-They-Know-It-All. The Think-They- Know-It-All is a specialist in exaggeration, half-truths, jargon, useless advice, and unsolicited opinions. Charismatic and enthusiastic, this desperate-for- attention person can persuade and mislead an entire group of naïve people into scrious difficulties. If you argue with the Think-They-Know-It-Alls, they turn up the volume and dig in their heels, then refuse to back down until you look as foolish as they do.

Recognize that the intent to get appreciated can lead to attention-seeking behaviors: This can express itself as the tantrums of the Grenade, the barbed jokes of the Friendly Sniper, or the boastfulness of the Think-They-Know-It-All. But what they all have in common is they force you to notice them.

"The desire to contribute to others and be appreciated for it is one of the most powerful motivational forces known."

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