RECOGNIZING THE INTENSION WHEN DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

RECOGNIZATION OF INTENSIONS OF THE DIFFICULT PEOPLE 

The four intents-get it done, get it right, get along, and get appreciated-have their time and place in our lives. The priority of those intents can shift from moment to moment. We normally balance them, for more success and less stress. But what happens when a person's intent is not met? Let's look at each of the four intents and the results when those intents are threatened.

■When people want to get it done and fear that it's not getting done, their behavior becomes more controlling. They try to take over and push ahead.

■When people want to get it right and fear that it will be done wrong, their behavior becomes more perfectionistic. They find every flaw and potential error.

■When people want to get along and fear that they will be left out, their behavior becomes more approval seeking. They begin sacrificing their personal needs to please others.

■When people want to get appreciation and fear they're failing at that intent, their behavior becomes more attention getting. They become difficult to ignore.

Understand that each of the four intents grows out of human nature: People are only human, after all!
Know that each intent leads to predictable kinds of behaviors: People who want to get it done become more controlling. People who want to get it right become more perfectionistic. People who want to get along become more approval seeking. People who want to get appreciation become more attention getting. Be alert to signs that someone's behavior is going beyond the "normal zone": That's when people who are acting acceptably start to become the people you can't stand.

"Once people determine that what they want is not happening, or that what they don't want is happening, their behavior becomes more extreme and therefore less tolerable to others."

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