HOW TO PROJECT AND EXPECT THE BEST BY INFLUENCING PEOPLE

 PROJECT AND EXPECT THE BEST 

 
The difficult behavior of problem people is often reinforced, and even escalated, by thoughtless and/or negative reactions from people around them. So if you want to have a positive influence, thoughtful responses are required.

It's in your interest to give difficult people the benefit of the doubt. It's also in your interest to help them break their reliance on negative behaviors and reinforce more constructive behaviors. If you do this habitually, a difficult person may come to see you as an ally rather than an enemy and be all the more ready to fulfill your positive expectations.

The power of expectations can't be underestimated. We call this phenomenon Pygmalion Power If you tell people you have high expectations of them, they will not deny it. They will in fact take a step in that direction. But conversely, if you let it be known that you have low expectations, these will most likely be fulfilled, as well.

When your problem person is engaging in negative behavior, you may be tempted to say, "That's the problem with you. You always...." To use Pygmalion Power effectively, learn to say, "That's not like you! You're capable of..." and then describe how you want the person to be, as if he or she already were. And whenever your difficult person behaves well, reinforce the behavior by learning to say, "That's one of the things I like about you. You're always and then say what the person has done successfully so he or she will do it again.

Pygmalion Power is not the easiest technique to employ when someone is acting badly. You may have to spend some time mentally rehearsing it before you're able to talk this way with ease. You may have to force yourself to hope that the person can change, when all evidence is to the contrary. Yet, we have no doubt that you can surprise yourself delightfully with your power to bring out the best in people at their worst.

Appreciate criticism: This is nothing more than the flip side of Pygmalion Power. If you tend to get defensive to criticism, perhaps you've noticed that it usually makes things voorse. The implication is that your defenses are an admission of guilt, and any- thing you say may be used against you. Here's a sim- ple way to rapidly shut down criticism without either internalizing it or fighting against it: verbally appreciate it. A simple "thanks for the feedback" may be all that it takes, and it's over. Alternatively, you can listen effectively, helping the critical person to be specific until you learn something useful, he or she learns it isn't about you, or he or she loses interest in criticizing you.

"It's a fact that people rise or fall to the level of your expectations and projections. Use projection strategies to motivate your problem people to change themselves."



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