HOW TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN INTROVERTS

 BRING OUT THE BEST IN THE SNIPER

 

When events don't go as planned or are obstructed by others, a get it done person may try to eliminate the opposition through sniping. Your goal when dealing with the Sniper is to bring him or her out of hiding. Since the Sniper's limited power is derived from covert operations, rather than overt, once you've exposed a Sniping position, that position becomes useless.

Stop, look, backtrack. Since your goal is to bring the Sniper out of hiding, you must first zero in on his or her hiding place. If it seems that someone is taking shots at you, stop!-even in the middle of a sentence. Interrupting yourself brings attention to the Sniper, effectively blowing his or her cover. Look directly into the person's eyes for a moment, and then calmly backtrack his or her remark.

Use searchlight questions. Now it's time to turn on the searchlight, asking a question to draw the Sniper out and expose his or her behavior. The two best questions are based on intent and relevancy: "When you say that (backtrack), what are you really trying to say?" and "What does that (backtrack) have to do with this?" The key to asking a searchlight question is to keep your tone neutral and maintain a neutral (read "innocent") look on your face.

Use Tank strategy if necessary. If a Sniper becomes a Tank, you may have actually improved the situation; at least now you know what the problem is! Use the strategy recommended for dealing with the Tank not only to command respect from the Sniper, but also from those who have witnessed the attack.

Go on a grievance patrol. If you suspect that someone is holding a grudge against you, but you're not certain, see what you can scout out. If you find evidence that someone is harboring a grudge, you may want to clear the air. If you're successful in bringing the grudge to the surface, listen carefully to all that your Sniper has to say. Once you fully under- stand the grievance, let your problem person know that you understand and express appreciation for his or her candid description of the problem. Suggest a civil future. Whether in private or public, finish the interaction by suggesting an alternative behavior for the future. At the end of any encounter with the Sniper, it's important to let him or her know that your preference in the future is open and friendly communication.

Don't overreact: Reacting strongly to the Sniper may encourage him or her to dish out more of the same. The best attitude to develop is one of amused curiosity. Try not to take it personally; instead, focus on the Sniper, rather than yourself.

Distinguish between friendly Snipers and malicious Snipers: Friendly Sniping has its origins in the intent to get appreciated, the need for attention. Malicious Sniping, on the other hand, originates in the intent to get it done and fulfills the need for control by seeking to undermine the control of others.

For the friendly Sniper, try reframing: Take the remark as a sign of affection or a behavioral quirk. If you can't laugh at it, you can at least learn to laugh it off. Or just let the Sniper know you don't respond well to teasing or put-down humor. Since the per- son likes you, he or she may change his or her behavior around you. And when that happens, rein- force it by appreciating the person for the change.

"Whether through rude comments, biting sarcasm, or a well-timed roll of the eyes, making you look foolish is the Sniper's specialty."
 

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