HOW TO BRING OUT THE BEST IN THE DOMINANT PEOPLE

 BRING OUT THE BEST IN THE GRENADE:

 
 

When a person's efforts to get appreciation are thwarted by another's indifference, he or she may explode in a thinly disguised demand for attention. Losing emotional control is a defense strategy against the feeling of unimportance-a strategy frequently employed by the Grenade.

If, as an adult in a group, you've ever lost control of yourself, you know how humiliating this can be. Grenades hate themselves for their behavior- but this self-hatred often becomes the timing device that provokes the next explosion. This volatile cycle can continue unchecked, meaning that an ounce of prevention can be worth far more than a pound of cure! Here are the five steps to bringing out the best in the Grenade.

Get the Grenade's attention. This is the one time you may have to be louder than your problem person... but don't let it seem aggressive. Call his or her name loudly, but in a tone of voice that's intereşting rather than angry.

Aim for the heart. Show your genuine concern by telling your problem person what he or she needs to hear. By listening closely, you can determine the cause of the explosion, then backtrack while assuring the person of your concern. When you hit the heart, you'll be surprised at how quickly the Grenade cools down.

Reduce intensity. When you see the Grenade responding, begin to reduce your voice volume and intensity. You can talk the person down from his or her peak of explosion to a normal level of communication by reducing the intensity level of your own communications.

Take time off for bad behavior. There's no point in trying to have a reasonable conversation with your problem person while the adrenaline is still coursing. So take a little time out and let things cool the rest of the way down. Then ask to get back together to work things out.

Avoid setting off the Grenade. This step addresses the long-term relationship and is, therefore, the most important in dealing with your problem per son. Try to figure out what pulls the pin on your Grenade and then don't pull it! If you discover that the pin-puller is someone else in the office, training in interpersonal communication and conflict resolution might be helpful.

Release your anger: Adding your anger to an already volatile situation will simply be pouring gas on a raging fire.
Learn to look at the Grenade in a different way: Sometimes it can help to imagine the tantrum thrower as a two-year-old in diapers. Adjusting your perception of the Grenade will give you some much needed distance on the situation.
Listen to the Grenade: Whatever the cause of the explosions, if you're willing to invest a little time in actively listening to the problems the Grenade faces, you will slowly be able to reduce the frequency and intensity of the explosions.

"After a brief period of calm, the Grenade explodes into unfocused ranting and raving about things that have nothing to do with the present circumstances."

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