UNDERSTAND THE METHODS OF REDUCING DIFFERENCES WHILE DEALING WITH PEOPLE

 REDUCE DIFFERENCES:


What makes some people so easy to relate to and others so difficult? We argue that conflict in a relationship occurs when the emphasis is on the differences, rather than on the similarities. Think of it as "United we stand, divided we can't stand each other."

So reducing differences is essential to dealing with people you can't stand. Success in communication depends on finding common ground, and then trying to redirect the interaction toward a new outcome

. Two essential communication skills will help you reduce differences: blending and redirecting "Blending" refers to behavior by which you reduce the differences between yourself and another person. "Redirecting is any behavior by which you use a growing rapport to change the trajectory of your interactions. These skills are not new, of course; they are part of normal human contact. In fact, you already use them, to some extent.

You can (and probably do) blend with people in many ways. Visually, you may blend by altering your facial expression, degree of animation, and body posture to match the other person. Verbally, blending occurs when you try to match the volume and speed of your counterpart's speech. And you blend conceptually with your words. When people feel like you've listened to them and you understand them, that's the result of blending. It's natural to blend with people whom you like or with people with whom you share an objective. Conversely, it's equally natural not to blend with people whom you perceive as difficult. But the failure to blend has serious consequences, because without blending. the differences between you become the basis for conflict.
Remember that no one cooperates with anyone who seems to be against him or her: In human relations, there's no middle ground. Unconsciously or consciously, people want to know, "Are you with me or against me? You come across as either hot or cold in the relationship-perceived as being on common ground or as worlds apart. Reduce the differences between yourself and the other person: You can blend by modifying your facial expression, your gestures, your posture, the volume and speed of your speech, and your words.

"Conflict occurs when the emphasis is on differences. Reducing differences can turn conflict into cooperation."




Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Image
  DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE       DIFFICULT PEOPLE : they're those people you can't stand and who don't do what you want them to do or what you want to do ---- and you don't know what to do about them! RECOGNIZED THE UNWANTED BEHAVIOUR: The tank: Pushy and ruthless , loud and force-full, or with the quiet intensity and surgical precision of a laser ,the tank assumes that the end justifies the means. if you are in the way: you'll be eliminated. The sniper : This covert operator resents you for some reason. Instead of getting mad, he or she gets even by identifying your weaknesses and using them against you , through sabotage , gossip and putdowns. The grenade : This person explodes in tantrums that seem disproportionate to the present circumstances, sending others ducking for cover and wondering what it's all about. The Know-It-All: This person knows 98% of everything. (Just ask!) Know-It-Alls will tell you what they know-for hours at a time! but won't t
Read more

"GET IT DONE" INTENSION TO APPROACH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Image
 UNDERSTAND THE FIRST INTENT    GET IT DONE: Have you ever needed to get something done, finished, and behind you? When you need to get it done, you focus on the task at hand. And when you really need to get it done, you speed things up. focus on action, and assert yourself. You may even become careless and aggressive, leaping before you look or speaking without thinking. The people around you become peripheral. When this attempt to get things done is frustrated, it can distort people's perceptions of a given situation. Suddenly, others appear to be wasting time, going off on tangents, or just plain taking too long. The intent increases in intensity and the subsequent behavior becomes more controlling. The Tank . On a mission to get things done, the Tank is unable to slow down and may push you around or run right over you in the process. The Tank has no inhibitions about ripping you apart personally, yet it's nothing personal: you just happened to get in the way. In an effort t
Read more

UNDERSTAND THE FOUR INTENSIONS WHEN DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

Image
  UNDERSTAND THE FOUR INTENTS   The first step in changing your attitude toward the 10 most unwanted behaviors is to understand them. The key is the four intentions with which people respond to situations and in two variables: assertiveness level and focus of attention. People range from passive (less assertive) to aggressive (more assertive). The assertiveness level is often influenced by the situation: during times of challenge, difficulty, or stress, people tend to move out of their normal "comfort zone" and become either more passive or more aggressive. We each have a comfort zone of normal-more or less acceptable-behavior that challenges, difficulty, or stress can cause us to leave for a zone of exaggerated-or problem-behavior. Every behavior (whether acceptable or problem) has a primary intent or purpose that it's trying to accomplish. We've identified four general intents that determine how people will react in any situation like, get the task done, get the tas
Read more